The Vortex of Death

This weekend the YMCA had a pool party and they invited non-members with a post card. It was free, so my cheap (read poor) family showed up. Apparently so did every other family in about a twenty mile radius. It was not so much swimming as it was wading in water trying not to bump into each other.

The Y has a waterslide set up on one side and the section is roped off. Only one person on the slide at a time and you have to exit the pool upon being ejected from the slide. This slide looks like a McDonalds playland and automatically discourages adults because the only way to get up is to crawl and climb. Being a kid at heart, this did not so much stop me as it encouraged me. After waiting in line for an overly cautious amount of time, I was able to make my assent to the top of the twenty foot slide.

Previous waterslide experience has prepared me for the fact that waterslides at pools generally suck. To get a good slide you have to go to a water park and pay over inflated (pun) prices. So, when I got to the top and saw that there was no bar for my to slingshot myself down the slide for an added burst of speed, my heart despaired. I sat down and grabbed the sides and slid into surprise.

The kids in front of me were either slowing themselves down or the t-shirts they were wearing to protect themselves from the sun of the indoor pool were slowing them down. For whatever reason, I was not expecting warp 9 and a 5G pull on this tiny YMCA slide. As I am breaking the sound barrier and forcing all the water from the pool with my sonic boom, I am shocked into utter silence. As I reach the end of the slide I see daylight in time to realize that I am still going sideways, and sure enough I am launched off the side of the slide and into the air, landing halfway between the slide and the ropes protecting the amazed on lookers. I heard Jay say "fly fat@$$, fly!

First thought after doing it was "I gotta do that again!" It was still cool but not as cool as it was when I wasn't expecting to be shot in a tube through the bowels of the Earth and come out screaming "and I'll form the head!" My second thought was that I had to get my wife on that thing and not tell her what to expect. That, my friends, was worth the price of admission, had there been one.