Thursday, May 24, 2007

Conspiracy Theories

1.  Steven Hawking is remote controlled.  I am not sure when he died but he did and the scientific community have taken his dead body and are manipulating it.  They use him for promotional stuff and to give credence to any wacked out theories they may have. 

2.  Iraq is actually pretty peaceful, but that is not good for the Haliburton bottom line. So, Haliburton has a stage in Hollywood were they inact terrorist attacks and clan fighting.  They then pay off reporters to narrate and corroborate the story.  Don't get me wrong, there is still fighting being done there, but every time you hear a Soldier say "things are getting better" and they "don't see how only the bad news gets here," now you know.

3.  American Idol is a show where the contestents sell their soul for a recording contract.  The winner is picked by the person that gets the most fans of the show to sell their souls as well.  The rest of us have to live with the Hell that Earth becomes when these people actually sing on the radio. 

4.  Angelina Jolie is a vampire.  She has a insatiable thirst for third world orphans.  Orphans that she created by feasting on the blood of the parents.  Her lips are actually an emergency blood supply implants, should she go to long without feeding.

5.  Vox is actually the FBI and CIA working together to eliminate dissidants.  Have people in your neighborhood stopped posting or closed their accounts?  It is because they are in Guantanamo.

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[atropos] said...

I take your word for number 5. I think I'm on their list.

Ender said...

I'd copyright #4 before Matt Stone and Trey Parker make it into a South Park episode. It sounds perfect for that.

gamany said...

budd, you kill me. so what happens when you don't get any sleep?

MainMor said...

My theory is that Stephen Hawking is being controlled by Frank Oz... Oz hides out in the bottom of the chair with his hand shoved right up....As to the Voice... it would be too obvious if Hawking started talking like Gonzo or they had to use the computer voice to further the deception.Jim Henson was the original Hawking puppeteer but he and Elvis are currently partners working undercover for the CIA under the command of Jimmy Hoffa.

JamesTr said...

Especially 2, 3, and 5. Remember "Wag the Dog"?

Steve Betz said...

Awesome --- I am actually sort of proud that I am out of the mainstream enough never to have watched an ep of American Idol Worship.
And yes, Angelina is creeeeeepy.

Budd said...

Lea-If you stop posting, I will send a care package to Gitmo.
Ender-Hmmm. I wonder if they would buy it from me.
Angela-Then the wackiness really begins. I have stories about me on no sleep. They are funny Laugh at me not with me stories.
Damien-They are going after Brangelina in their new movie Bubba Nosfuratu.
JamesTr-Have not seen Wag the Dog. Will have to check that out.
Steve-You are only missing a headache. American Idol is a show about people who are famous for just trying to get famous.