Thursday, February 28, 2013

Debt Ceiling

I imagine the speech tomorrow will look something like this:

My Fellow Americans
As you well know, the deadline to raise the debt ceiling was at midnight last night. Thankfully members of congress and myself were able to overcome our differences and push through a bill that will "benefit" (do the air quotes) our citizens. This historic bill will give us room to maneuver in these hard economic times. The House voted and passed the bill and sent it up to the Senate where it was also passed at 11:59 Pm. This bill will temporarily raise the debt ceiling for three months giving us time to figure this whole debt ceiling thing out. At the end of those three months the House and the Senate should have put together a plan that will allow us to continue operating without a budget for at least three more months. This plan will continue to raise no additional capital and, effectively, it will not cut any noticeable spending. If we can continue down this path, we should be able to hold of economic collapse until we are all out of office. Hopefully we will be able to delay collapse long enough that it will be our children’s problem to deal with. You know, as long as we get ours (pause for laughter). Excuse me; I will conclude as I have a golf date with Tiger Woods and my children are going skiing at one of the most expensive resorts in the world thanks to a corporate campaign backer. Don’t worry about their safety; we are reserving the entire resort for the duration of their visit. Now if you will excuse me, I have to board my tax payer funded private jet that takes me and my family anywhere we want to go while shutting down all air traffic in those areas. So long, Suckers (salute to remind them you are commander in cheif)!

Hey, whitehouse, where is my speech writing job. 

1 comment:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Budd, that is brilliant! You read between the lines better anyone I know.