This, I believe.

The following opinion is satire. I only believe in violence a little bit. It does have some valid points, and I hope you are educated as well as entertained. This I believe is a radio essay series that airs on NPR (National Public Radio) on Mondays.

This, I Believe

Robert Heinlein made a point in Starship Troopers. One of the characters said that violence doesn’t solve anything, and the war torn veteran asks what the founding fathers of Hiroshima would say about that. Violence has solved quite a few problems in the history of man and that is why I believe in violence.

People may say that I am wrong and give examples of the Vietnam and Iraqi war as examples that violence only exasperates problems and gets more people killed. These people do not understand violence. It was a lack of violence in each of these conflicts that caused problems. When you kill a soldier and leave his wife and child alive you make two new soldiers. He probably had brothers and parents as well. By just killing the one person you have directly created more opposition. Violence is frowned upon for some reason and it was discouraged in both conflicts. It led us to a road of destruction that a well placed nuke would have solved for the world.

Wars are not the only problem solved by violence. Crime would be well deterred with violence against criminals. The criminal are already using violence against us, and honestly, if one party is being violent and the other party is not, who will win out in the end? I believe that if a man rapes my child, that man should die. I will kill him myself. You may ask how you know he is really guilty. This again can be solved with violence. If you are unsure who is guilty, you just keep shooting suspects and you are bound to be right eventually.

Sure there is some collateral damage. That collateral damage is population reduction. Yet another problem solved with violence. What if we would have been violent to everyone with AIDS 20 years ago? Just drug them out in a field and shot them? The AIDS epidemic would not have become wide spread and Ryan White could be a successful doctor, saving lives right this moment.

Humans think violence is mean and don’t want to be mean, yet they perpetuate violence everyday and fight for the right to do so. Abortion is violence on an unborn fetus. Euthanasia is violence towards old people who we no longer see as productive members of society. Both of these parties are innocent and violence towards them is celebrated as a choice.

I believe in lesser forms of violence as well. Spankings are needed to teach a pavlovian response against being bad. My own mother spanked me as a child and I credit those spankings for me being such a good person. Yes, my mother had the Dr. Spock book, but was angered when she realized it was about being non-violent to your children and not about Star Trek. This was the same book she would throw at me when she was to tired/lazy to get up and kick my butt for some wrong deed. Also, it is a rare phenomenon that if you smack an idiot he will shut up. It is said that violence only begets violence. This is not true. If you hit someone hard enough, they will lie down and cry instead of hitting you back. That or run away.

I believe in being able to watch the coyote be pummeled by an anvil. I believe kids should be allowed to play with toy guns and even encouraged to do so (training). I believe that I should be able to watch a splatter flick with out it grossing me out. I believe that if everyone carried guns, most crimes would not be committed. I don’t care about the rest of the world, violence is the American way. This. . . I believe.