Thursday, July 13, 2006


*I will be away from the computer until Monday, so no updates.

My wife is finding it hard to make friends.  She blames it on American's being un-accepting of a foreigner.  She states that America is no longer a melting pot, but a salad bowl.  She doesn't get along well with her co workers.

Thinking about the issue, I decided that I don't really have many friends either.  I mean, I have people at work that I get along with and like and could hang out with in a non-work type atmosphere, but I don't have anyone that I call on a regular basis or go over and visit with.  I do have some friends, but I rarely see them and it is almost a struggle to get together because of life getting in the way.  The friends I do have are friends of each other and we all have common interests.  When we do get together it tends to be as a group where wives and girlfriends are welcome, if not invited. 

Does life, marriage, and kids separate you from old friends and prevent you from making new friends?  Is it a sign that I am devoted to my family that I have limited relationships with my present and former friends.  I remember my parents having friends and doing the whole hanging out thing, but I didn't exactly have the best parents.  Are computers or technology responsible in some way?  I see all of these people on cell phones and wonder who they are talking too. 

One last question.  Is this period of separation temporary until my kids grow older and become more independent?  I should have more time at this point to do things I want with people that I like. 

In an effort to keep contact with my friends I do have my book club.  This gets most of us together at least once a month.  I thought that this would be a great way to make new friends as well, but I think potential new members are put off by the close knitted ness of the group.  I have also been in clubs that grew and fractured because of the growth. 

Tell me about your friend situation.  I will learn through information.


James said...

Good comments. I've made my family my top priority. I do miss my friends but it is somewhat a chore to fit them in my time schedule. To be blunt, I've outgrown alot of my college friends. I no longer subscribe to the party scene. I no longer drink at all and I trust in an old saying to not be sober around drunks and not be drunk around sober folks. I've also noticed that the older I get, the more antisocial I've become. I don't know if that is because at work that I'm forced to be social.

Jody said...

I have work, too. I rarely hang out with anyone and I am going to church with the intent of meeting more girls my age. Am I forcing friendships? I don't know. I miss having girlfriends. I don't have kids, but I am married. And I find myself looking forward to going to work to see my work-friends...

Carol said...

My husband and I don't really have any friends as a couple. I have some work friends and a scrapbooking friend that I get together with for lunch a couple times a month. I'm friends with one of the neighbors...I walk over if I see her out and we chat and we had a cookout on the 4th but I wouldn't say we socialize. We may be a bit different because we moved to TN from Ma about 9 years ago and left any friends we had behind. But truth is, we didn't really socialize much there either. My kids always laugh when we watch shows like House Hunters on HGTV and people are always looking for houses that are good for entertaining. They always want to know why we don't entertain. My husband just says "We're not entertainers."

I don't know if this is helpful or not.

melanaise said...

I don't have many friends. I blame my lunatic personality.

I was wondering what that NSFW thing meant, took me a minute...I feel so HONORED to be your only not safe for work link!!!

so no one click my name from here at work, ESPECIALLY if you have sound. ESPECIALLY right now.

Anyhow, on the friend thing. Since I am newly single, no friends, because my family was it for me.

I don't think I want any. An occasional 'buddy' or 'pal' would be nice. Sorry to hear she is having trouble, but she isn't alone on that one.

Wayne said...

Interesting observations budd. I do not believe that your lack of close friends is indicative of any fault in your character or parenting phenomenon. I believe it is more the result of a shift in American culture. Advances in technology and such an individualistic culture seem to be running their toll on our society. Likewise, our circle of friends has diminished and to some it has dissolved completely. You should take a look at this article by the American Sociological Review on the subject (you can find plenty of other stories on the subject with a quick google search). Link to Article