Inspired by Me

As a parent, I go through my activities hoping to influence my children in a positive way.  Hoping that the things I do will be more influencial than the things they learn from their friends, television, or the world in general.  The times when I see these influences come through are rare and memorable. 

I am in a book club.  Once a month a few friends and I meet at an eatery and discuss a science fiction book.  My wife works nights, so I usually carry the kids along for the ride.  They get bored, but I have usually brought something for them to do while they wait. 

At this months meeting, my oldest suggested that we read some Magic Tree House books so that she could get in on the discussion.  Then, last night, she came up with the idea that she start her own book club.  She had a list of friends that she wants to be a part of it.  She wants the meetings to be at McDonalds (I agreed with her that a place with food makes it better).  She was very excited by the idea.  I asked her if they would read only a certain kind of book and she said, "No, we will read all kinds."

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't proud of her.  Here was an activity that I enjoyed with my friends and I was setting an example of behaviour the whole time.  It just goes to show you that children are watching even when you think they aren't or they say they are bored.  Show your children positives and try not to be too suprised when they show you those positives right back. 

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Tomboys

My wife is upset because Ashli has officially categorized herself as a “Tomboy.”  I thought it was cute when she said it, but my wife completely freaked out.  She is afraid that being a tomboy will damage her socially for the rest of her life.  I am getting a lot of the blame for this as well.  My wife states that she was a Girly-Girl up until she was four and my wife started working nights and I had the kids alone during the evenings.  My wife has told me that I am not a good influence on them (yes, it does make me mad). 

 

I don’t see anything wrong with tomboys.  It could be a phase, or it could be that she just likes to be more rough and tumble.  Either way is fine with me.  As a father, the girly-girls are cute and cuddly, but a father doesn’t really bond with that type of girl.  The girly-girl, in my opinion, is more prone to Freudian or Oedipal thought processes because they feel that they are the princess and need a prince to save them.  At pre adolescence, that prince is often the father.  Yuck!  Ashli, doesn’t need saving; she wants to be the hero and do the saving. 

 

It isn’t as though she is an all out tomboy either.  She has grown to not like pink so much and she hates the Disney Princesses, but she still likes Hello Kitty and littlest pet shop and pretty much anything else that is cute.  She still wears dresses and skirts, but she does so while riding bikes or doing the monkey bars.  She loves playing catch with me.  She loves all animals, even reptiles and bugs.  Her favorite TV shows are Pokemon, Teen Titans, and Dr. Who (she has watched blink about 500 times).  She has made it clear that we are not to get her Barbie dolls for Christmas.  She wants a DS with Zelda.

 

I can’t seem to comfort my wife on this one.  I don’t understand where her fear is coming from.  I don’t think that I am even the right sex to understand where the fear is coming from.  I understand that she wants a girly-girl to dress up and make look pretty and that Ashli often has messed up hair from running and playing.  But, Ashli still loves to dress up and look pretty.  Maybe culturally I am unable to understand her fear.  I don’t know how tomboys are treated in Korea or if she even understands what the term implies.  I think she might consider it to mean transgendered.  That worries her.  She wants normal kids that grow up to be normal (yet exceptionally smart, beautiful, and successful) adults.  I think tomboys are normal and she does not.

 

When my wife told Ashli that she had to change, Ashli rebelled.  Ashli said that it was who she was and she couldn’t and didn’t want to change.  This turned into a shouting match between the two of them about being who you are.  Of course, my wife was mad at me for this.  I don’t do all that phony self esteem crap they sell in schools about being perfect just the way you are, but I do tell them that it is okay to be different from other kids.  I mean, they are half Korean, so they are always going to be different from other kids in school.  I have to teach them to be proud of their differences and not worry about what other people might say. 

 

I think my wife is taking the wrong track.  Instead of discouraging being a tomboy, she should encourage girly-girl behavior.  It would be as easy as having a make up party, or having her put on a fashion show.  I am sure there are other things she could do too.  My wife says I need to change the way I am around her to get her to change and that I shouldn’t be so male with her.  But, when Ashli has played dolls or Polly pocket with me in the past, I got noticeably bored really fast.  On the other hand when we wrestle in the living room it can go on for hours.  My wife doesn’t really play with the girls.  She is more concerned about education, so she does a lot of work with them.  If they want to play they have to do it on their own.

 

My wife doesn’t see it yet because she is so young, but Ally is following directly in Ashli’s footsteps.  She wants to be like her big sister.  She gets played with in a rough and tumble manner and watches her sisters Tae Kwon Do class.  If Ashli is wrestling with me, Ally jumps right in too.  Ally still loves princesses and pink, but how long before Ashli’s distaste for them rubs off.  Yes in a soon to be future, we have two tomboys and then my wife will really go crazy.

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Raising SciFi Kids Group

Are you a sci-fi geek from way back?  Do you plan to pass your geekiness on to your own spawn?  Are you the result of either of the above statements?  Did your child develop a love for sci-fi on there own.  If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you will feel at home here. Join us in  the Raising Sci-Fi Kids group to stay up to date on what is safe for your kids as well as some discussion on introducing your child to some of your childhood favorites.  

Voltron

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Raising Sci-Fi Kids

 As a fan of science fiction, I feel that it is almost a responsibility to pass this love of the genre on to my children.  In the olden days parents would pass their occupation, land, and belongings on to their children, but in the modern world this does not happen as much.  Kids are as likely to sell anything from their parents, as they are to keep it.

          This passing of the torch starts out as a form of bonding.  As a father, I see time in front of the TV as bonding time with my child.  Most women would argue that you can not possibly bond by watching TV.  To argue my point, I invite any women to sit in on a conversation between a bunch of guys.  I bet that the conversation is riddled with references to movies and TV shows that all of them have seen, and this is when the discussion is not on those movies/shows specifically.  Common viewing habits create an all new lexicon that is almost indecipherable to an outside listener.  This lexicon unique to father/child, simulates the almost intuitive language that a mother shares with her child. 

          Tradition is another huge reason.  Transformers, Voltron, and He-Man shaped my childhood.  I feel that these shows were integral in my becoming who I am today.  Because of this, I want my children to experience them as well, if for no other reason than to gain some insight on their father.  I feel that The Gremlins and The Never Ending Story are great movies that everyone should watch, especially my own children.  What child should not revel in the realm of imagination that was the original Star Wars movies?  It is fulfilling on some level when my child enjoys the movies that I have picked out for her to watch with me.  It feels good knowing that my child is like me in some way. 

          There is a line that needs to be drawn.  For example, I cannot show my six year old the movie Aliens because it is too scary.  This line is not black and white, but a whole lot of grey.  I know how old I was when I saw certain movies, but was that the right age for all kids?  How much violence is too much?  If I show my children this now, will they fully appreciate the subtle nuances.  The Matrix was a great movie, but will it entertain a child that does not understand the story?  These are the questions that haunt me as a father.  Of course, every child is different and you will know when the time is right.

          My biggest fear is that my children will grow away from science fiction and will rebel against me and shun the genre as teenagers.  My children are both girls, and I am not sure that it will ever be cool to be a science fiction fan if you are a girl, especially a teenage girl.  The love of science fiction could be crippling to their social life, which in itself is not all that bad.  Maybe, growing up sci-fi will give them an understanding of the people that enjoy such things and see them for who they really are.  It almost seems that I am doing a social experiment of sorts on my daughters.  What will science fiction do to their lives?

          It is natural for a parent to want his/her child to be like them.  It makes me feel good when my daughters ask me, "did you do/watch this when you were a kid."  My yes is a seal of approval, and my daughters cannot wait to try/watch.  When she and her sister get older, I will expose them to more.  The bookshelf is growing with young adult science fiction books.  I already read Where the Wild Things Are as a bedtime story.  I long for the day when one of my daughters picks one of my favorite books off the shelf, reads it, and wants to discuss it with me.  I am not sure what the future will bring to science fiction in the movie/TV/book world, but I do know that I will experience it with my children and that will make it perfect for me. 

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