Thursday, July 14, 2011

Dear Bike Thief

Dear Bike Thief,
I hope I see you riding around the neighborhood on my bike, so I can push you into oncoming traffic.  It would probably mess up my bike, but you have forced me to replace it anyways, haven't you.  Better yet, I hope you are dumb enough to post it to craigslist.  I will respond and show up to buy it back.  Instead of cash, I plan on paying you back in dental work.  This is precision dental work that will be performed with my Louisville Slugger.  I may even throw in some facial reconstructive surgery as well. 

You just better hope I don't find you.  I consider you the lowest, basest kind of life form.  Since you are not human, I don't feel the slightest hesitation in causing you bodily harm.  There are fates worse than death and I know one to many for you to be comfortable.  I know ways of causing you pain that won't leave marks.  I know how to perform a labotomy with a chopstick.  While you might walk or even ride a bike again, I know how to make that a long, painful, laborious process.  I have been taking various martial arts and learning various weapons for years and you have finally given me something to use my skills on, so thanks. 

Of course if you don't want these things to happen to you, just put the bike back where you found it.  I won't hold a grudge.  The choice is yours.  If you keep the bike or sell it, one day, I will find out who you are and you won't even know why you will wish you were dead. 

Look forward to meeting you,


TS Hendrik said...

Someone stole your bike? Dude that sucks. I hope you do find the jerk.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Hope he is dumb enough to advertise it!

Laila Knight said...

If I were the bike thief I would return your bike while begging for forgiveness on my knees...^-^...

The Golden Eagle said...

Gosh. That's just wrong.

I hope your bike turns up!

Majid Ali said...

Please for humanity's sake please do it once
I have made a blog at Since i have added a google adsense in the blog but haven't made a penny with this. I need your help and support to help me make some money to PAY MY Tuition Fees.
What you have to do is follow these simple steps

1.go to and search "Kwotz-Golden Words of Life"
2.then visit my blog from the the search results.
3.Remain on the page i.e Kwotz for one minute or so and do some random surfing
4. click ONE of the ads that APPEALS to you from ADBoxes and visit there.
5.remain on that page for one minute or so and do some random surfing.
and that's it.

IMPORTANT:DO NOT visit the blog directly. Visit through google Only ONE click is needed.
I will be grateful to you.
I really need your help

Copyboy said...

Can't stand those people who no respect for property.

Daniel said...

ahaha catch me...

M Pax said...

I can relate. I felt similar when my car was stolen. I hope it comes back to you.